A BIT OF A DICK...

Hello, once again!!

Well, it's not been long since my first post - but I've already received a few supportive and some less supportive words from people.

My good friend Harry mailed me as follows, saying that the website was:

"Very sweet. You are not serious obviously.... Although I would not mind being a monk…"

Harry only wants to be a monk, for all the wrong reasons.

My good friend Lisa came back to me and posed the following question:

"I love the blog about being a tramp! Does that mean that you are going to fight yourself as many a tramp has? Or are you going to be an old fashioned Gentleman of the road?"

I assured her that my template was definitely that of the old fashioned gentleman of the road and she replied:

"Thought you would, you're too nice to be a modern tramp, not sure I can see Deeley following you around the country like Dick Whittingtons's cat!"


Lisa's right. I'm afraid I have to agree - this is certainly not going to be easy. I will have to speak to Deeley and break it to him gently. I was kind of hoping he might be able to pull my packed lunch behind him; maybe placed on the back of a skate-board or some such thing.

By the way... What do you think of this photo? It's a castle I visited in Northumbria last month think this is the sort of countryside that I'd like to tramp around...


Anyway... My friend Quint, from Amsterdam had further invaluable advise:

Hi,

I was thinking as it IS the 21st century, why not put a new spin on the whole Tramp lifestyle.

Call it MetroTramp or something like that, lol. Back in those days personal hygiene was pretty bad for everyone and just more so for tramps.

So my idea would be that you have to take at least less baths than others do.
The same goes for food I guess, although I'd have a hard time with that one as well. I like my food too much. Now of course a tramp used to beg for food as well or get the occasional slice of bread from the baker.

But still, not too sure I could go for that life style. Although travelling around for a living would be great. Maybe we could travel around together. ;)

It's a fun blog though, I'm looking very much forward to reading more.

Hugs,

Quint

I was very pleased with Quint's useful suggestions and will definitely muse carefully on his words.

Of course there was alsosome helpful publicity for our course from my friend Dan on his blog: http://www.dmcs429.blogspot.com/

"Our friend Paul quite fancies the idea of being a tramp. Not a dosser, a traveller or a beggar, but an old-fashioned gentleman of the road; sort of like a smelly Wainwright."

I also had a brief discussion with my friend Andrew, who I did the Offas Dyke Walk with back in the 90s.

"Do you know, i've been thinking along the same lines recently.

Wouldn't it be good to have a "simpler" life? Just a fishing rod, an olive tree and a goat? That's all you need. There is so much in life that we don't really need. Bit like the Trainspotting message - get a washing machine, get a car, get a family, get a house - then you'll be happy. But will you?

Yes. Maybe not become a tramp, but just get a simpler life. Just with what you really need. None of this consumerist nonsense. "

It's nice to know that I'm not the only one thinking this way. I thanked Andrew for his support pointed out that one day we might complete the Offas Dyke walk as tramps. His response was interesting to say the least…

"We should just live on Offa's Dyke. And trap passing walkers and make them give over all their food. A bit like Dick Turpin."

Now Dick Turpin was a Highway man and I've also thought that being a Highway man would be fun, as well. I asked Andrew how this "Offas Dyke" plan would work in theory… I asked if we would be equal partners or would one of us be the other's sidekick. Or even rivals?

Andrew's reply was as follows:

"Depends. If we got moody, there'd be enough space for some time by ourselves. You could control Prestatyn, I could control Chepstow…"

Now this sounds like a perfect idea. I'll definitely look into this.

In fact I went out to the park this afternoon and tried looking like a Highway man.

I made an early mistake...


I corrected my mistake... But no-one was interested in my campaign trail. To be fair, I probably needed to look more the part - people in London just don't care about this sort of thing. I simply need to get out there and try some tramping, pure and simple...


I tried searching for the Highway - but to no avail...


Sadly - as you can see the results weren't exactly what I was hoping for. Let's just say it's not very Richard O'Sullivan. It's not even very Adam Ant. More Adam Faith, alas.

Hopefully this weekend I can have a bit of a tramp in the woods. If the tramp doesn't object, that is.

Oh well - more soon!

Best wishes,

Paul x
PS I have found a new companion to accompany me on my travels - not Deeley, but Mr Bear...


Thankyou to Lisa, Quint, Dan and Andrew for their comments. Thanks to Tom for his help with the park photos.

Band of the month: Supertramp.

Next time: Gladstone McWhiskers gives advice on living in the countryside and Paul further explores the possibilities...

All photos by Paul Chandler, Copyright 2007.

HOW TO BE A REAL TRAMP... PART ONE.

Tramp is a great word - I think...

I've always thought it would be quite romantic to be a tramp. Just travelling through the countryside, stealing carrots from people's allotments and eating the occasional dead pigeons. Mmmmmmmm.

Anyway, have discussed the matter with my friends Calum and Dan recently, I've decided to investigate the whole "tramp" thing - to see if it might be a career I could pursue in the future.

I've obviously got a lot to learn. One of my main worries is that I'm really very keen on baths, but I'm not too sure whether an official old-stylee tramp would be allowed to take as many baths as I like to. Still, it's worth looking into and anyway - I can always be the first 21st Century tramp, if it doesn't work out with the whole being an old style vagrant.

Anyhew. Just to clarify exactly whether I am understand the key roles of being a tramp - I decided to take a peek in the dictionary to get a clear definition of what being a tramp entails; moreover what EXACTLY a "tramp" is:

My friend the dictionary, spake thus...

Verb: tramp

Travel on foot, especially on a walking expedition
"We went tramping about the county of Surrey"

I do a lot of tramping. Especially in Surrey. This is a good start.

Walk heavily and firmly, as when weary, or through mud

I do this too. I wear out shoes like they were - umm - shoes...

Cross on foot
"We had to tramp the creeks"

I have been known to get cross - especially when someone treads on my foot.

Move about aimlessly or without any destination, often in search of food or employment

I do this most days. However, I do like to have a certain aim or vision when walking. So not a complete tick in that box - however searching for food is definitely an hourly pursuit.

Noun: tramp tramp

A disreputable vagrant
"a homeless tramp"
- hobo [N. Amer], bum [N. Amer], bindlestiff [US]

*giggles* bindlestiff. That funny! :) I could try being disreputable. It does sound rather fun.

A person who engages freely in promiscuous sex- swinger

*blanches* I not that sort of girl!

A foot traveller; someone who goes on an extended walk (for pleasure)
- hiker, tramper

That's definitely me.

A heavy footfall
"the tramp of military boots"

I'm good at heavy.

A commercial steamer for hire; one having no regular schedule tramp steamer

I'm not sure that's the kind of tramp I could aim to be. I like water though.

A long walk usually for exercise or pleasure- hike, hiking, bushwalking [Austral, NZ]

Again. I have done this. I did the Offas Dyke Path in 1993 and 1999, I never finished it - but I did camp. Some people say I still do, do camp - but let's gloss over that for now.

So, there we have it. The early signs that I'm on the right track are good.

By the way, alternative titles for this blog were going to be either: PAUL CHANDLER IS A BIT OF A TRAMP or WANNA BE A TRAMP - but I thought that would perhaps indicate that I wanted to be, well - a bit slutty. Which I honestly don't. Honestly. Okay. Maybe occasionally - but not in any "worrying" sense.

One question: Was Dick Whittington a tramp?

Bad points:

It's just that I'm not too sure about the colour scheme and I certainly wouldn't risk putting my picnic lunch inside a handkerchief and tying it to a stick. It really doesn't sound very healthy, for one thing. Also - the sandwiches and pies might get squashed. The stick might break and there is also the possibility that squirrels might steal my dinner. :(

Good points:

I have a pet cat. See... Isn't he lovely. :) I couldn't possibly leave Deeley when I become a professional tramp - so Deeley is going to have to prepare himself to be my companion.


I'm not sure he's going to like that idea. Ah well.

Before I conclude and consider my next step on the road to trampdom - here are a few of the basic guidelines that I think it's important to remember.

Number 1: Beware of bears...


Number 2: Beware of strangers...


Number 3: Beware of country folk...


Number 4: Don't go on fire...


Number 5: Keep to the footpaths...


In the following photo you will see me (on the left) and my friend Calum (on the right, obviously!) Here we are trying to look like tramps - but simply looking too middle class. This is going to have to change. Luckily - I have a beard. I just have to grow it long and straggly now. We'll see how that goes.


I think that's all for now. I think this has been a valuable first post - and I have learnt a great deal already.

I'll post again next week when I have learnt some more.

Just remember - always embrace the tree in country. You won't regret it.

Best wishes,

Paul xx

PS Check out my friend Dan Selwood's blog: BURY MY HEART AT HUNTER'S BAR - since I told him about the new site he has written a blog on us: http://dmcs429.blogspot.com/


All photos taken by Paul Chandler, 2007.